Distant

I am here, I am alive, I am sorry that I am/have been distant.

I haven't been leaving comments, but I have been reading.

I know that one of my blog goals was to one day have 50 comments.

I know I WILL NEVER have 50 comments if I am not posting or commenting myself.

But really ... why do I want those 50 comments?!

What would that prove or mean?!
I can not spell, I am not good at expressing myself and mostly I write about boring baby stuff.

So why is it that I want 50 comments?!
I dunno - just did.

Today right now I am letting that GO!

I am GOOD with letting it go!

I am over wanting 50 comments.

I am still having problems "loving" my son.

He is getting better, So many more times a day I do love him.

He still has very bad days, but they are only about 1 time in a week.

He is so darn cute I could kiss him to death.

(lucky for us and him he is cute, I don't know how I would love him if not, haha)

Then he starts screaming, Tatum starts screaming and it is a mad house.

I really think Tatum starts screaming to get more attention than him ... even though she is SPOILED ROTTEN and gets SO MUCH attention!

But with that being said ... blogging is on my back burner, I do read ... I read my blog roll everyday! I am sorry I have not commented ... I am here with you all!

Love you - miss you all and I am praying for all of you! Please pray for me too!

This week we went BACK to the Dr with Bowden. We tried the 5th formula, and then the 6th. The 5th he was allergic to ... that stopped after bottle 2 ... we are also on a new "spasm" med. Also back on the Axid ... which I think does not help his sleeping, but I really think he is in pain ... and the ONLY pain the Dr thinks it can be is acid reflux. SO ... trial and error again ... we are now on a soy formula. Can't tell if it is working yet! Tatum was a extremely happy baby I do not and CAN not expect Bowden to be that happy but I can PRAY for him to be comfortable. I fear every am, afternoon and evening that there is SOMETHING wrong that we are missing!

Night Night for now ... I am open for some hugs, kisses and prayers!

Pictures

I had a few requests for some before pictures of me ... so here ya go

This is Labor Day of 2007 ... Tatum was 3 months and I was not yet preggo with Bowden!

This is October of 08 ... Bowden was born in August of 08

I think this was my heaviest. (210lbs)

This is January 09 ... just before the "life change diet" started!

Now ... much lighter and feeling better ...

I am now at 180 ... my goal weight was 175 for Naji wedding ...

I just readjusted that to 167. (I know weird #, but I didn't want to push too much and I wanted to be realistic!)

In the picture below ... I LOVE, LOVE how big my pants are!

Sucks to have to buy all new, but that is a great problem to have!

Andy took this Monday AM ... it was Bowden's first day of Day Care ... I will blog about that tomorrow!

So are you changing your life? Are you working out?! Eating Different?! Share with me! I will hit a flat point soon!

My Weight Secrete

I got several e-mails and several comments telling me how HOT I looked ... THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I thought maybe since most of us have at one point or time struggled with our weight that I would share with you my secrete.

A few things:

It was NOT my sickness! I was sick with a head and chest cold ... not a tummy cold.

I have not been HUNGRY at all!

I have been eating 4 - 5 times a day!

Step 1 ... Get a support team. The hubby and I joined our local rec center ... Choose to Loose ... it is like the Biggest Looser, only local. Our support team is our family! (Well his family) they are all on our team! We are very open and honest, we all weight infront of each other, we measure in front of each other and we tell ALL!

Step 2 ... We bought smaller plates. Smaller plates = smaller portions!

Step 3 ... get rid of all good things in your pantry ... yep the girl scout cookies you just bought ... donate them to the day care, or your childs school!

Step 4 ... Go shopping ... buy all YUCKY things ... just kidding! Really we bought all low fat or NO FAT! Really it was hard for a few days, but now it is EASY! It really doesn't taste bad! We switched to only wheat pasta, no sugar (Splenda only), no fried food, wheat bread! Instead of YUMMY fattening snacks we are eating fruit! Also ... lots and lots of chicken and turkey. Turkey ground in things instead of ground beef is really good!

Step 5 ... eat breakfast! Something small and with fruit!

Step 6 ... I am eating out everyday at lunch the same I was before, but now I am leaving 1/2 of all the serving on my plate! That is the RULE leave 1/2 of what the restaurant gives you!

Step 7 ... know that you are HUMAN and you will fumble!

Step 8 ... I promise that if you stick with the good for you food, you will just like it. We went out of town last week and both of us by day 4 had upset stomach from the food we ate!

This is a change of life ... not a diet, not counting or watching what you eat ... just changing what or how you eat it! My friends this is what I did ... we have been doing it since February I have lost 14 lbs, went from a size 22 to a 16. My hubby has lost 31 lbs and has went from a 42 pant to a 38. Today 4 guys at work asked me how much weight I have lost ... NO THEY DO NOT READ my blog! They saw it ... it made me cry! I am proud of my self ... the next step is starting to work out! That will be a little while ... with the babies it has been VERY hard to find anytime, but I will very SOON!

So good luck to you all!

ALIVE

I am sure you are ALL very sick of seeing that title, but I am here! I am Alive! My baby boy turns 7 months old tomorrow ... and I really have missed it ALL! I have been having a rough time ... with being sick and Bowden still not sleeping well to be honest, I have started to slip. Slip mentally that is. I have not been happy. It has been very very hard. I NEVER imagined it would be like this. The BOY REQUIRES constant and I mean CONSTANT attention. He cries so much. I made ANOTHER appointment to see the Dr. I really think something is wrong with him. It has been hard and I HATE IT! I have missed so so much of his life because honestly I am mad at him. As much as I have tried to push that away and fully love him the way I should and I have tried to ignore his needyness, ( not sure if that is a real word, but I am using it!) but seriously it has been so so HARD! Now I do have to admit things are starting to get better ... I FINALLY have been having at least 2 moments a day that I just want to kiss him to death and love him ... but with Tatum that was constant ... with Bowden it is very minimal ... but at least it has started! I was really starting to worry! I have talked to my Dr. it is not me, I am not depressed with me, him or my family. I do not have PPD he is just difficult. While I haven't enjoyed him, I have never thought of hurting him or myself. I am not in a depression ... I wish I were, or at least I wish my Dr had said I was ... haha for now a very very small *Zanix when I get overwhelmed is helping.

On a good note ... he is smiling a lot more now. I think he will be crawling by Friday ... he has got it down pat, but only for 4 moves and then he spazzes out. He has started eating "graduates" the little melt in your mouth finger food things ... that makes our dinner much more enjoyable! For the most part he has started to sleep more ... 2 day naps around 1 hour each and night time waking up once. He has been eating food and likes homemade better than canned. (He likes it thicker) He is wearing 6-9 month clothes. He LOVES a bath and I can't wait to start bathing him and Tatum together! It will be so much fun! Still no hair, but neither did Tatum! He is starting school on Monday next week, I am hoping that will calm some of his needyness. With us he gets constant attention because we can't stand to hear him cry ... maybe they will help us break that.

Thank you all ... all 3 of you who still read me ... thank you for your Prayers ... I know you all pray for me, cause I pray for you!

We did go for a small camping trip ... last week we went to Atlanta to the races (sorry Chris we didn't have a car and I didn't want to burden you with coming to see me ... I know you JUST as busy as I) We left for ATL on Tuesday ... 4 Adults, 2 kids, and 1 dog in a RV from Tuesday - Monday. Bowden DID NOT SLEEP AT ALL! Tatum did well and I really had a hard time with them ... from 9 am - 3 pm one of them was asleep so that meant that one of us had to stay in the camper with them ... something we have NEVER had to do ... one of us missed a lot! It was sad for me! But we did have fun too ...

Tatum and Bowden playing with the etch a sketch!

He may be a pain, but he is adorable!

After 4 hours in their car seats, we let them out of them to look out the window for 10 minutes ... they did really well going back into them after diaper changes! I was surprised!

Tatum in her P*epsi hat!

My Hubby and I with Bobby Allison ... yes we got HOT passes from a friend! Spent 3 days in the Pits ... best thing EVER!!! PS ... can you tell how much weight I have lost?!