So today I had a hair appointment, my mom offered to pick Tatum up from Day Care ... which by the way I had a successful day of NO CRYING!!! Mom asked if we wanted her to take Tatum to her house to eat dinner and let us go out to dinner to pick her up later ... OF COURSE!!! So we went to our favorite restaurant ... Miyabis (Japanese where they cook in front of you) we eat Sushi there every other week ... tonight we decided to eat in the Grill ... we are sat with a family of 4. A dad, mom and 2 daughters. I start to talk to them a little about having a daughter and a boy on the way ... she mentions that they are close in age too. Then a gentlemen and his son are sat with us ... the gentleman is in his 50's. The boy is 4. (yes I asked) The man heard me talking about unexpected baby 2 ... he proceeds to tell us that he has 3 daughters in college and then his little UNEXPECTED blessing ... his son. He starts to talk to us about how HIS unexpected was the BEST gift he could have ever gotten. We talked the whole dinner, I told him my story of dropping Tatum off on Tuesday (see below). Anyway at the end of dinner he nods at the waitress - a good friend of ours - and she leaves - When she returns Andy hands her our debt card ... and she announces "the gentlemen paid for everyone" Andy was speechless and so was the man at the other end of the table. I stood up gave him a hug, hugged his son and thanked him SEVERAL TIMES ... UNBELIEVABLE - I have never had anything like that happen but I tell you what it was AWESOME!!! WOW is all I can still say ... best part the girl (waitress) struggles with her bills and has had a VERY rough life. He left her a tip over $100, I thought she was going to cry ... all in all the man paid $230 for dinner with strangers! WOWO!!!!
Onto depression update -
Tuesday when I dropped Tatum off I was crying SO HARD I pulled over in the parking lot ... I did not want to wreck due to crying. While in that parking lot and while driving I talked to GOD ... told him I needed strength ... I was not raised in church and I honestly can say that I can count on 2 hands how many times I have attended a service. (which by the way I plan on changing within THIS year) ... I will give you the story of my parents and church if you want to know - but wont go into that here. I will be a member of a church by Fall and my babies WILL be raised in church! I believe in God and I do PRAY daily. I can say that I have never just asked God for strength the way I did on Tuesday. Well let me tell you - he either gave it to me or just The idea that I could get drugs helped me!!!! I decided not to take the drugs - (see below) and guess what I have NOT cried SINCE the moment I asked for strength!!! All I can say is WOW again!
Why I went with NO DRUGS
In talking to the NURSE on the phone - she was answering some questions and we were trying to figure out if I needed a extra appointment to talk to the Dr - she told me it takes 3 - 5 weeks to FULLY work and be in your system (I need it right now, I am having panic attacks, not thoughts of "bad" things)
- She (the Dr) only wanted me to take it for the middle trimester - to wein me off of it in a few weeks - (R U Serious?!) 4 weeks to get in my system and work and then wein me off over 4 weeks, for me to then take 4 weeks to get it out of my system) It all seemed like once I started to get "off" I was going to go right back to having the attacks.
- they kept referring to me as depressed and I kept telling them I DO NOT think this is DEPRESSION I think it is anxiety - and I need something RIGHT NOW ... when it happens not 4 weeks from now! I told them that I can go days weeks and be FINE then poof someone put a wrench in my well oiled machine and I FREAK OUT!
So I said thanks but no thanks I need to come in and talk to someone ... about a different option.
Since I have NOT cried since that day I have not made another appointment. If I start to get more attacks I will call them ASAP! Thank you all for your support and kind words. I told Andy I LOVE MY BLOG, I LOVE MY GIRLS AND it truly helps heal me ... he said that is good honey, that is good!
Okay last note and I am out ... ROBIN is coming to MY BEACH!!! I can't wait to meet her and her Hubby Matt! I am so excited and nervous! Hope you all have a great weekend!