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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

I am speechless ... and depression update

So today I had a hair appointment, my mom offered to pick Tatum up from Day Care ... which by the way I had a successful day of NO CRYING!!! Mom asked if we wanted her to take Tatum to her house to eat dinner and let us go out to dinner to pick her up later ... OF COURSE!!! So we went to our favorite restaurant ... Miyabis (Japanese where they cook in front of you) we eat Sushi there every other week ... tonight we decided to eat in the Grill ... we are sat with a family of 4. A dad, mom and 2 daughters. I start to talk to them a little about having a daughter and a boy on the way ... she mentions that they are close in age too. Then a gentlemen and his son are sat with us ... the gentleman is in his 50's. The boy is 4. (yes I asked) The man heard me talking about unexpected baby 2 ... he proceeds to tell us that he has 3 daughters in college and then his little UNEXPECTED blessing ... his son. He starts to talk to us about how HIS unexpected was the BEST gift he could have ever gotten. We talked the whole dinner, I told him my story of dropping Tatum off on Tuesday (see below). Anyway at the end of dinner he nods at the waitress - a good friend of ours - and she leaves - When she returns Andy hands her our debt card ... and she announces "the gentlemen paid for everyone" Andy was speechless and so was the man at the other end of the table. I stood up gave him a hug, hugged his son and thanked him SEVERAL TIMES ... UNBELIEVABLE - I have never had anything like that happen but I tell you what it was AWESOME!!! WOW is all I can still say ... best part the girl (waitress) struggles with her bills and has had a VERY rough life. He left her a tip over $100, I thought she was going to cry ... all in all the man paid $230 for dinner with strangers! WOWO!!!!

Onto depression update -
Tuesday when I dropped Tatum off I was crying SO HARD I pulled over in the parking lot ... I did not want to wreck due to crying. While in that parking lot and while driving I talked to GOD ... told him I needed strength ... I was not raised in church and I honestly can say that I can count on 2 hands how many times I have attended a service. (which by the way I plan on changing within THIS year) ... I will give you the story of my parents and church if you want to know - but wont go into that here. I will be a member of a church by Fall and my babies WILL be raised in church! I believe in God and I do PRAY daily. I can say that I have never just asked God for strength the way I did on Tuesday. Well let me tell you - he either gave it to me or just The idea that I could get drugs helped me!!!! I decided not to take the drugs - (see below) and guess what I have NOT cried SINCE the moment I asked for strength!!! All I can say is WOW again!

Why I went with NO DRUGS
In talking to the NURSE on the phone - she was answering some questions and we were trying to figure out if I needed a extra appointment to talk to the Dr - she told me it takes 3 - 5 weeks to FULLY work and be in your system (I need it right now, I am having panic attacks, not thoughts of "bad" things)

- She (the Dr) only wanted me to take it for the middle trimester - to wein me off of it in a few weeks - (R U Serious?!) 4 weeks to get in my system and work and then wein me off over 4 weeks, for me to then take 4 weeks to get it out of my system) It all seemed like once I started to get "off" I was going to go right back to having the attacks.

- they kept referring to me as depressed and I kept telling them I DO NOT think this is DEPRESSION I think it is anxiety - and I need something RIGHT NOW ... when it happens not 4 weeks from now! I told them that I can go days weeks and be FINE then poof someone put a wrench in my well oiled machine and I FREAK OUT!

So I said thanks but no thanks I need to come in and talk to someone ... about a different option.

Since I have NOT cried since that day I have not made another appointment. If I start to get more attacks I will call them ASAP! Thank you all for your support and kind words. I told Andy I LOVE MY BLOG, I LOVE MY GIRLS AND it truly helps heal me ... he said that is good honey, that is good!

Okay last note and I am out ... ROBIN is coming to MY BEACH!!! I can't wait to meet her and her Hubby Matt! I am so excited and nervous! Hope you all have a great weekend!

11 comments:

Heather said...

A. Super cool about a dinner. What a great thing that man did - not just paying for dinner.

B. I am so HAPPY that prayer helped you the way it did. It is a powerful weapon - especially in your particular fight. I've been through something similar. I hope it keeps working and that you find a wonderful home church!

Robin said...

yep! we'll be there in august. we need a countdown clock! :0) i think we're at 3 months, 3 weeks!

also, that's awesome that that man paid for dinner! and, the conversation you guys had sounds very encouraging.

i'm glad that you're feeling better! prayer is wonderful. i pray for you every night & i will continue to do so! :0)

angela said...

That is so funny. At church on Sunday the sermon was about how God is everywhere and if you are not looking or listening with an open heart you might miss him. Several stories where told about people meeting others that were "God" like who did an awesome thing for someone else and never seeing that person again. Basically the question was given if you were asking God for something and someone or something appeared would you know if God sent them for you?? When I read you story about the restuarant it made me think of that sermon and then when you talked about praying for strength I got chills.

Glad to hear that you guys had a good night out. Oh by the way I love going to Japanese resturants and eating a little sushi. I passed I new strip mall resturant today that had a big banner out front that read " $1 sushi all day". I will pass. ;)

Chris said...

WOW! What a nice man at dinner. Talk about an pay it forward moment. Very cool. Someday you will be in the postion to do something for someone and you will do it too just because of him and so on....you'll know when the time is right.

I'm glad to hear you are not doing that drug considering the circumstances. I agree with your decision. Maybe you should look at just talking to a counselor for a bit. Someone you can call when you are having a major anxiety moment. At least that could get you through the pregnancy and you could reevaluate the drug thing down the road if you are still having issues.

Prayer is a wonderful thing. I believe in that power and if you feel like something is leading you to Church I say go for it. We haven't been the best about going every week with little ones but I too want my kids to grow up with religion and then they can make their own choices as adults. But at least they won't wonder about it or be afraid of the unknown of it because they weren't exposed.

That's awesome you are going to finally meet Robin in person. I finally delurked on her blog and am going to have her make Lindsay a name plate. I'm hoping that we'll be heading back your way in summer of 2009. That will be our next beach trip I suppose. Our babies will be almost a year old and we can get all the kiddies together!
Ok...I left you a novel tonight.
Glad you're doing better! Talk to you soon.

Boom said...

Loved the story of the man at dinner....what a cool blessing!!

Stephanie said...

See - if I had money, that is the EXACT kind of thing I would do. What a wonderful man. I think God sent him to you that night. You needed that conversation.

I mentioned last post that I take meds - mine is also for anxiety - not depression. I mean, anxiety can lead to a sort of depression. But for me, it's anxiety all the way. Not so much ATTACKS, but every day life for me is just ridiculous when I am off my meds. Again - please ask me any questions. I hope the good times continue for you!

We also need to find a church we like.... That is a goal of mine too.

kimmyk said...

what a great gift of meeting that man. very very cool.

i hope you and robin have a great time together. it's always fun meeting blogger friends!

i'm glad that you're feeling better about tatum...it just takes time that's all...

tommie said...

kimmy-not sure if it is late,or I am hormonal, but I am boohooing here! Isn't it wonderful when the right person is there for us to just listen.

The Kept Woman said...

What a nuce surprise indeed with having the man pay for your dinner, he must have really enjoyed your company!

Tara said...

That's super nice of that guy to pay for everyone. I'm also glad to hear that things are getting better. Hang in there.

Elleoz said...

What an awesome story! It is so nice to see that there are still people in this world that have a genuine need to help other people.

As far as the depression and drugs...I think that you are doing the right thing for the present moment. I would say that drugs aren't a bad thing in general but if they are just going to take you right back off of them then it isn't worth it at this point. I agree with Chris that you might benefit greatly from talking to a counselor. I had to go see one of two different occassions prior to and following the birth of my son. It can help so much just to be able to talk to someone who can help ease your fears. I have been there and done it too!

If you ever have any questions or want a "shoulder" to cry on from someone who has been in your exact situation, please don't hesitate to contact me. I am an open book and will be more than happy to tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Hang in there. I promise everything will be just fine.