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Monday, June 23, 2008

Weepy

Well the cries are back. The tears turned on today and I can't shut them off.
Tatum Bell has no idea how much her life is getting ready to change, the house is STILL NOT ready, I am fat as a house and it is 100+ degrees outside! Work sucks and my husband is off working his ass of to get us into that house that still is NOT ready. Tatum just left to go to my mom's for the night and I can't stop crying! Not because she left but because no one is here to see me at my worse! No one has even looked at our house (the one for sale) but we did have 1 ... ONE call this past weekend! I want to crawl in a hole and hide until it is all over ... the house, the baby and the stinking heat! I hate that I am down, I hate that here I am crying trying to see the screen trough tears and really what is there to cry about?! Some people don't have an abundance of babies, or 2 houses or too much on their plate - OVERWHELMED ... can I say that again ... I AM OVERWHELMED! At Tatum's 1 year old check up they asked if she knew any body parts?! No ... I cried ... am I already failing her ... we are too stinking busy to teach her ... nose, eyes, ears ... Where am I supposed to find that energy?! It is hard enough to get her home, feed her, bath her, and put her to bed ... never mind the WIFE I am SUPPOSED TO BE~! I can't do this! I can't be all I am supposed to be! I can't be a mommy, a wife and a worker. I can't be a 2 house owner, and a business owner. I can't do it! I need HELP! You know what is bad about all of this ... I have help - it is surrounding me! NO ONE not one of my family members, or friends expects ANYTHING from me ... Sunday I took Tatum to the house ... we swam while everyone worked ... everyone was FINE with it, they were just glad to see us out and about ... but me I cried ... I am the worker, I am the DOER ... and NOTHING I can't do it!
Okay .. enough of this crying ... I am off to take a bath and relax, suck it up and be a big girl! Love to you all and if you have some prayers left ... please think of me!

11 comments:

kimmyk said...

oohhhh kim!
i was sitting here going "aww bless her heart. she's an emotional wreck. poor thing. she's pregnant...moving, selling..." and then i'd laugh at something you'd say. you poor thing. you're riding that emotional rollercoaster...i'm sorry your family doesn't expect things from you or want you to y'know get out there and bust your ass, cause then that would just be wrong. enjoy the time you get to spend with miss tatum and enjoy the pool and she will know all her body parts and then some believe me before you know it. infact, you'll be asking her not to show people her body parts. "no tatum, no one wants to see your butt, put your dress down..." "yes tatum, that is your belly button...now quit showing the lady behind the register your belly put your shirt down..." (i think she gets that from her momma...*snort*)

it'll be okay chickie. one day at a time....

i hope you enjoyed your bath!

Robin said...

i'm so sorry you're feeling this way, kim! i'm like you...i want to help out, i want to move boxes, i want to organize, unpack...you name it. and, i know that it's so hard to sit back & watch other people do it for you. believe me, i do understand. after the car accident 5 years ago, all i could do was lay in a bed & watch everyone else around me do all the things i wanted to be doing...but, i just couldn't. you want to be involved...

and, about tatum knowing her body parts...kimmyk is right, she'll learn them. but, it's not like you have to set aside structured "body part time" or anything...point out her nose & ears while you're giving her a bath or driving her to school. or when you change her diaper, talk about her belly. she's a smart girl, she's got you for a mom, right?

one day at a time, woman, one day at a time...it'll be okay, i promise.

and, just remember, in 41 days, i'll be there...just another set of hands to help you out!!! :)

Chris said...

Awww...you should have talked to me about this when you called me today...thanks for that by the way!
Just chalk it up to pregnancy hormones and remember this too shall pass. I'm with you girl...it's gonna get better! I know the house thing is rough and you feel like you getting down to the wire time wise. Hang in there and do what you can now while you can. I'm telling you...at 36 weeks I'm hitting that brick wall.
But guess what...it will all still be there after I have the baby. Tatum is learning just fine!!! Don't put so much pressure on yourself...just enjoy her now while you can! HUGS TO YOU GIRL!!!

JayJenny said...

Aww Sweetie, just be patient with yourself. You've got a hella lot going on in your life, on top of carrying a baby. I can't imagine any situation you deal with on a daily basis is easy. It will get better, day by day. And we're here to listen and send bloggy hugs. Take care Kimmy!

Elleoz said...

Aww sweetie! First take a deep breath and TRY to relax. From someone who has been there and done all of it...You CAN do it!

All you can do is one thing at a time. If is gets done, great and if not. Oh well. You are one person. Everything will be just fine. Before you know it you will be wondering what all the fuss is about I promise.

HUGS!

The Kept Woman said...

Oh honey...so many things to say.

Hang in there...this is all about to come to a big giant zit head and won't you feel good when it all pops and puss oozes out all over? A new house, a new baby, your body back to being your own, etc., etc.

And Tatum will learn her body parts, I assure you. Anyway is it really all that bad that she doesn't know them? Most parents of 16 year old girls wished their kid DIDN'T know the anatomical parts of the human body...see? All better.

((((((hugs))))))

Heather said...

I am sending you happy thoughts! I am sorry that you are going through so much. The house will sell, the house will get finished and Tatum will be a great big sister who sticks her finger in your face and yells "Eye"!

Wendy said...

I have been where you are. My time was when I was living in SC and I didn't even realize I was in the funk. You will make it and it will all be worth it in the end. You are allowed to be emotional right now and with all going on if you just have a few bad days I'd say you are doing GREAT! Hang in there it will get better! We are all here if you need us!

The Partins said...

Oh gosh girl... I so feel for you. We moved when I was 7 months pregnant and that was no fun, I can't imagine what you are going through! Get it in your head that hubby is in charge of worrying about the house, you are incharge of worrying about the kids. Tatum doesn't know her body parts? well, my child can't get to a sitting position without help and she crawls BACKWARDS! :-) As to work... Do what you can and ASK FOR HELP on the things you can't... You won't want to, but people really don't mind helping, I promise! And you can always help them 8 months from now. :-)

The Smith Family said...

Hon, I am so sorry! You need to relax and grab a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I hope things get better for you, they will! Hugs!

Goodrow Gang said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the down in the dumps day. I remember what it was like when I owned my own business, was taking care of very sick CF kid, wanting another child but not knowing how (b/c of CF) or when (b/c of small business), and dealing with a husband out of town. I know that it just SUCKS! One thing I learned is that it is ok to feel and say that things just suck sometimes. Thinking of you as you overcome a world of stresses. You can do it!!!