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Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Could we be 5?~

So I know that I said be on the look out for a change, but geeze the change has still not happened ... and I was holding out for another post until it did ... but I am giving up on my blog make over. 2 reasons ... 1st I am broke! Broke as a JOKE! Just cut my pay in 1.2 at work to "save" my company. Down from 36 employees to 5. 2nd gave up on the makeover when I figured out that I have to find all of the art work ... OMG that is hard! I can't do it right now!!!

Okay I am rambling ... let me move onto the could we be 5 ...

Over the last 3 days I have been wondering if it is normal that after 5 months of crying (when i found out I was preggo with Bowden) then 3 months of praying for him to hurry up and get a little older so we could get past ALL of HIS crying ... begging people for help because I could NOT handle him, his constant crying and I could not handle the fact that I had 2 babies under 2 ... So after all of that How can I sit here and miss it. Miss my babies, so small and wrinkled ... miss the new born stage with missing it HOW ON EARTH could I have actually said to Andy "we could have another!" He looked at me like I was growing a horn out of my eyes. Bowden walked into day care today. Holding my finger of course, but he walked from the car to his room, then asked me to pick him up, (pull on pant leg and grunts) of course with his big blue eyes and his dimples I could NOT resist! I love that boy ... how could I have so seriously HATED the infant stages with him. He was such a rough baby, really he was ... at 8 months old he was still waking 3-4 times at night. It was tough. It put a lot of strain on me and Andy, our relationship, Tatum, our parents (he was to stay out of day care with them until 1o months, we sent him at 7 months) But my GOSH he is such a good boy now! He is SO SO loving, hugging, kissing and smiling! I want to eat him up! For several split seconds I have thought about WHAT IF ... What if we had another ... I am hoping here that Kimmy will snap me out of this and tell me that it is normal, it is a phase and I am just weird!


Melanie said...

hahaha! I can't believe I just read this post.

LCP said...

Been that that phase before...only when they are cute and listen and mind you when you ask them to do something just once...not 8 times!!! God will let you know if you are really ready...if it is His will, there will be a way!!

Great that Bowden is a fun loving boy now...Jack is in the cranky whiny stage right now. I know it is a stage though...he is great most of the other times!

Let us know how the could we be 5 thing goes?!?!?!

Lindsey said...

Amazing how time changes our perspectives. I imagine I will eventually hit this wall, too, but my husband declares 2 is enough and at this moment, I feel the same way. Funny, I always imagined myself with 4, but I think 3 is tops now.

Hope you find your answer.

My Three Girls (The A girls) said...

I have had those thoughts...but we are already 5...we would have to become 6 and 6 is a big NUMBER!!!